You're A Victim (And Don't Know It) | Chris Lee

Episode 117 · Jun 11, 2026 · 1h 24m · with Chris Lee

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About this episode

Most people spend years chasing results — more money, more success, more recognition — without realizing the one thing actually holding them back: themselves. In this episode, I sit down with Chris Lee, a transformational coach who has quietly changed hundreds of thousands of lives through private, in-person workshops with some of the world's top entrepreneurs and influencers. We go deep on the real reasons high achievers hit a ceiling — unresolved trauma, victim mentality, lone wolf thinking, people pleasing, and the dangerous confusion between self-worth and net worth. Sixth Summit: Join the waitlist at ⁠sixthsummit.io/hackathon⁠ and use the code FYOG Lodgify: Offering 60% off any of there yearly or bi-yearly plans until the end of June 30,2026, using the code FYOG60 ⁠here⁠ #KassidyWarren https://www.instagram.com/kassidy.warren https://www.linkedin.com/in/kassidywarren #ChrisLee https://www.instagram.com/chrisleemotivator/ Watch #ForYourOwnGood on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@KassidyWarren #PersonalDevelopment #Mindset #SelfWorth #Transformation #Entrepreneur #ChrisLee #Coaching #Breakthrough

Key moments

0:03:21 “What happens along the way that causes most of us to fall short or feel lost...”
0:04:13 “her father and her grandparents and her culture, her religion, you know, Jewish immigrants, Holocaust, uh,...”
0:18:03 “then how do we balance wanting to be successful, make money, impact millions of people, increase...”
0:21:27 “I always believe that personal development work is is the key.”
0:33:14 “it was actually a real cause of like almost like PTSD.”
0:39:10 “for listeners of this show, you can use the code FYG20 to get a 20% discount...”
0:41:42 “Feedback is one of the most necessary tools to grow.”
0:49:26 “you would never see that.”

Read the full transcript

Auto-generated from the episode captions; may contain small errors.

0:00:00If you think you're not a victim, you're

0:00:01now a victim of thinking you're not a

0:00:03victim. I'm a victim. You're a victim.

0:00:05We are all victims. You cannot create

0:00:07epic results [music] being in reaction.

0:00:10To create epic results, it requires epic

0:00:14power and passion and drive and

0:00:16resilience.

0:00:17>> Okay. But if you're a people pleaser,

0:00:18>> people pleasing, it's more about looking

0:00:20[music] good. People pleasers of the

0:00:22world, you need to learn to set

0:00:24boundaries. The bird feels confident on

0:00:26the branch [music] because if the branch

0:00:27breaks, the bird can fly away. I don't

0:00:30care [music] what happens in your life,

0:00:32you can always choose a positive

0:00:33interpretation. Put your fist in the

0:00:35air, pull down, and say the word yes.

0:00:38Crash my car. Yes. Got dumped. Yes. How

0:00:43do we balance wanting to be successful,

0:00:46make money, impact millions of people,

0:00:49increase our net worth with our

0:00:51self-worth? I've [music] said this at

0:00:53the biggest masterminds in the world. I

0:00:55said it at Can's Film Festival to the

0:00:57whole A-list community. As much energy

0:00:59as you pour into

0:01:02planning your business, structuring your

0:01:05strategy, all the things that are

0:01:08necessary to build an empire. You want

0:01:11to put as much or more energy into

0:01:13developing your selfworth.

0:01:17Most teams are AI curious, but they're

0:01:19not AI capable. They're dabbling, but

0:01:21they're not serious about investing time

0:01:22and energy into building AI into the

0:01:25business. That's where Sixth Summit can

0:01:27help. They run two-day AI hackathons

0:01:30with you and your team where you walk

0:01:32away with actual AI implementation into

0:01:34your business. I did this myself and I

0:01:36walked away with a whole team of AI

0:01:38agents that are able to run a lot of my

0:01:41back-end systems to help produce the

0:01:42content that you're watching and

0:01:43listening to right now. So, if you're

0:01:45interested in actually implementing AI

0:01:46into your business, right alongside

0:01:48experts that can help you produce

0:01:49results, go to 6thsummit.io/hackathon

0:01:53and enter the code fogg to join the

0:01:56weight list. All right, back to the

0:01:58interview. Christopher Lee, thank you

0:01:59for being here so much.

0:02:00>> I am blessed to be here. Any way I can

0:02:03support you, I'm a yes. And uh you have

0:02:08inspired not only me to continue to do

0:02:11what I do because what's powerful for

0:02:14someone who coaches is to see the

0:02:17outcome and you have taken the ball and

0:02:20have run with it. And not only that, but

0:02:22the people that you impact and your

0:02:24whole audience through this podcast and

0:02:27everything that you do. So I'm excited

0:02:29to be here.

0:02:30>> The crazy thing about you is like you're

0:02:32not this big internet celebrity either.

0:02:34Not a lot of people online may not know

0:02:36who you are, but you've literally

0:02:38transformed hundreds of thousands of

0:02:39lives through these inerson workshops.

0:02:41>> I like it that way. Well, because it's

0:02:42more exclusive. Like I could have taken

0:02:45the public route, but what I love about

0:02:47the workshops that I do is that they're

0:02:49confidential and I've worked with some

0:02:51of the biggest influencers on the planet

0:02:54and they find a space that's private for

0:02:58them to do the work. cannot believe the

0:03:00power and the transformation that's

0:03:02happening not just to myself but with

0:03:03other people in the room. And it

0:03:06reaffirmed my love for people. It

0:03:10reaffirmed my love for seeing people

0:03:13win. That was the biggest one of the

0:03:15biggest takeaways is like I love people

0:03:17again. I want to see others win more

0:03:20than I want to see myself win. And I

0:03:21understand now what that actually means

0:03:23in the context of giving.

0:03:25>> Well, that's what we all want. You know

0:03:26innately we want to empower people. We

0:03:30want to give. We want to contribute. If

0:03:32you look at the energy of children,

0:03:34children love to share and they love to

0:03:37play and they love to contribute. And

0:03:39the level of energy of a child that's

0:03:41authentic pure energy and that's who we

0:03:44all were at some point.

0:03:46>> What happens along the way that causes

0:03:51most of us to fall short or feel lost or

0:03:54broken or whatever word you want to use?

0:03:55Well, several things happened. Um, one

0:03:58thing that happens is you meet your mom

0:04:01[laughter]

0:04:04and mom has lots of trauma. You know, my

0:04:07mom was the my hero, my best friend. But

0:04:09my mom carried baggage from her mother

0:04:13and her father and her grandparents and

0:04:16her culture, her religion, you know,

0:04:19Jewish immigrants, Holocaust, uh, that

0:04:23whole mentality, you know, that was

0:04:25passed on to me as a child. So I came in

0:04:27the world this bright light of joy and

0:04:31my mom you know and all of her pain and

0:04:34her unresolved trauma though she did the

0:04:37best she could

0:04:39that got passed on to me and my father

0:04:42then I met your father you met your

0:04:44father you meet your dad I met my dad

0:04:47and he had his set of traumas so that's

0:04:50the first thing that happens and that's

0:04:53why I always say that work with a with

0:04:55mom and dad is so important that a lot

0:04:59of entrepreneurs

0:05:00miss that. That's a hack. By the way,

0:05:04doing work, healing work, shadow work,

0:05:08forgiveness work with your parents is

0:05:11critical for success.

0:05:13>> Yeah.

0:05:13>> A lot of these events happen that dim

0:05:16our light. And the work of

0:05:19transformation

0:05:20is having the courage to face those

0:05:24things, to confront those things, to see

0:05:26where does all of this come from? And

0:05:31that's the magic when you start

0:05:33identifying and pinpointing your fears,

0:05:36your limitations with a specific

0:05:39traumatic event and you're able to heal

0:05:42it and let it go. You restore your

0:05:45light. So, what's the difference from

0:05:47someone saying, "Oh, well, I've I've

0:05:49been doing therapy for five years, 10

0:05:51years. I've talked about my mom. I've

0:05:52talked about my dad. I've talked about

0:05:53my traumas." What's the difference

0:05:54between that that kind of intellectual

0:05:57side or someone believing they've done

0:05:59the work versus what you're talking

0:06:00about?

0:06:01>> We don't talk about the trauma, we

0:06:03relive it. We don't watch the movie, we

0:06:06are in the movie again. And then there's

0:06:10situations that are set up like

0:06:13different exercises over 30 to 40

0:06:16exercises per training where trigger

0:06:20memory kicks in. And so you go through a

0:06:24series of experiences where you are

0:06:26triggered, but you're not triggered

0:06:28about what's happening in the room.

0:06:30You're triggered because at one you felt

0:06:32something, at two you felt something.

0:06:35And so it's really a powerful way to

0:06:37bring up the things that you need to

0:06:39bring up that you can't do through

0:06:41simple conversation.

0:06:43>> It's like road rage. Road rage is an

0:06:46experiential exercise. You're on the

0:06:49highway. It's not moving. Some guy cuts

0:06:52you off, flips you the bird, says your

0:06:55mom is this, your dad is this, and for

0:06:58some reason that triggers every button

0:07:02in your body. You feel filled with rage

0:07:05and you want to get a baseball bat and

0:07:07bash the car in front of you and that

0:07:10happens every day. But the thing with

0:07:13road rage is that the issue is not what

0:07:15the guy said or did. It triggered all

0:07:19the other previous experience that have

0:07:21not been resolved.

0:07:23>> What is getting triggered? something

0:07:25that someone does that annoys the

0:07:28out of you or someone or something

0:07:30someone says or a sound or a noise or a

0:07:35voice. There are people that trigger us.

0:07:39There are songs that trigger us. There

0:07:42are sounds that trigger us. Like people

0:07:45eating with their mouth open and

0:07:47slopping their food around. Some people

0:07:49get angry to the point of violence.

0:07:52uh certain phone calls, conversations

0:07:56that are triggering. People get

0:07:57triggered by so many things. I mean, the

0:07:59list goes on and on and on. But what is

0:08:02a trigger? It's basically something

0:08:04that's unresolved within myself.

0:08:08If I am triggered about something, it

0:08:10means that I have not healed something.

0:08:13Which is why I say triggers are

0:08:15teachers.

0:08:17Instead of getting mad at the person

0:08:19triggering you, ask yourself, why am I

0:08:22triggered? What's this trigger about?

0:08:25What have I not resolved? And why is

0:08:28that important for your audience? Is

0:08:29because your audience is an audience of

0:08:31entrepreneurs, people that want to build

0:08:34their own businesses, people that want

0:08:36to create, people that want to create

0:08:38epic results. You cannot create epic

0:08:42results being in reaction because to

0:08:46create epic results, it requires epic

0:08:48power and passion and drive and

0:08:51resilience.

0:08:53And if you are a walking trigger

0:08:56machine, you are powerless.

0:08:59>> I recognize that I was complaining a lot

0:09:03that I was complain and I was like, "Oh,

0:09:05well, I'm just recognizing. I'm just

0:09:06acknowledging." Right? But now having

0:09:09gone through everything, it's like no, I

0:09:10was I was complaining. I was getting

0:09:11triggered by the world. But

0:09:12>> because you were being a victim,

0:09:15which is one of the biggest rackets.

0:09:17>> It's the very first one that I

0:09:19[laughter]

0:09:19>> Well, of course. See how organic this is

0:09:21working out? Because you were being a

0:09:23victim. Yeah.

0:09:24>> And when you're a victim, which is

0:09:26basically every single person watching

0:09:28this podcast, if you think you're not a

0:09:31victim, you're now a victim of thinking

0:09:32you're not a victim. I'm a victim.

0:09:35You're a victim. We are all victims. We

0:09:38all have a resident victim that lives

0:09:40within us. And that resident victim

0:09:43complains all the time. It's

0:09:47the source of the two things that stop

0:09:50us the most.

0:09:52Self judgment,

0:09:54judgment of others.

0:09:56So you're complaining about something

0:09:58you did or complaining about something

0:09:59that's happening, whatever that is,

0:10:02you're giving your power away. And so a

0:10:05victim, the payoff for being a victim is

0:10:10you get to be right. You get to have

0:10:12pity. You get to give yourself a hall

0:10:15pass or an excuse. But there's no power

0:10:18there either.

0:10:19>> Victim was like actually one of the

0:10:21hardest things for me to break. I was

0:10:23like completely unaware that I was a

0:10:25victim because high achiever performance

0:10:28like get things done. Everyone else is

0:10:30getting in my way. But that didn't feel

0:10:33like victim. and that just felt like my

0:10:34reality, right? So, what are some of the

0:10:36ways that people can like recognize that

0:10:38they're being a victim?

0:10:39>> When you feel

0:10:41reactionary towards situations in life,

0:10:45like traffic or money or relationships

0:10:50or when people talk in a way you don't

0:10:53like and you find yourself reacting to

0:10:55it. or when life throws a curveball and

0:10:59you get pissed about that curveball or

0:11:02you me you mess up and then you feel

0:11:04angry at yourself. Those are all victim

0:11:07strategies because a victim feels

0:11:09smaller than the circumstance. We become

0:11:12victimized by our feelings. So if we're

0:11:15sad, we're controlled by sadness. That's

0:11:17when you know you're being a victim. If

0:11:19you're angry, you're controlled by

0:11:20anger. If you're sick, you're controlled

0:11:22by being sick. So, a victim is

0:11:25controlled by the circumstance of their

0:11:26body. They're also controlled by

0:11:28external stuff like weather. It's cold,

0:11:31so I shut down. Uh, I'm hot, so I'm

0:11:34disconnected. I'm sweaty, so I space

0:11:37out. They're controlled by opinion, what

0:11:40people think. Uh, a victim is empowered

0:11:44when people acknowledge them and

0:11:46disempowered when they're not

0:11:48acknowledged. Whereas if you take

0:11:50responsibility, you have no need to be

0:11:53acknowledged, no need to be approved of

0:11:56because you already got your own

0:11:57approval. So someone who's responsible

0:12:00operates based on something bigger and

0:12:02that's called vision. The vision that I

0:12:05have for my life, the vision I have for

0:12:07the environment I'm creating, the vision

0:12:09for my business, the vision for my

0:12:11family, the vision for my body. So, I'm

0:12:14vision driven and how I feel is

0:12:18irrelevant. The circumstances become

0:12:21irrelevant and I'm able to pivot when

0:12:24there's a breakdown. We could talk about

0:12:26breakdowns after this, but a victim

0:12:29basically gives their power away and

0:12:31they have excuses and stories as to why

0:12:36they don't have the results that they

0:12:37want, why they're stuck in the jobs that

0:12:40they're stuck in, why their businesses

0:12:42have not taken off, why they are where

0:12:44they are. It's the economy. It's the

0:12:47president. It's the, you know, the

0:12:50neighbors. It's my mom. It's my

0:12:53girlfriend. It's, you know, there's

0:12:57always someone something to blame.

0:12:59>> The way it was really insidious for me

0:13:01is I've always grown up being told, you

0:13:03know, I'm really smart, you know, and

0:13:05I've I have some intellect, but I'm very

0:13:08good at justifying my decisions,

0:13:11justifying anything I want to do. I can

0:13:14talk my way out of any situation. Or at

0:13:15least, you know, I thought I could,

0:13:16right?

0:13:17>> Cuz that's what we do. Like when we're

0:13:19operating from being a victim.

0:13:20>> Yeah.

0:13:21>> You find your way to get what you want

0:13:23and to navigate out of anything. But you

0:13:26just said it. You weren't aware of the

0:13:27wake you were leaving behind.

0:13:28>> What I think I learned was that a lot of

0:13:31these things that we're going to talk

0:13:32about, including victim, is a protection

0:13:33mechanism, right? And so I was

0:13:35protecting myself from getting hurt in a

0:13:38way. And I didn't realize that at the

0:13:39time, but if I could avoid

0:13:42responsibility or avoid ownership, then

0:13:45it was me avoiding putting myself out

0:13:48there and saying it was my fault or I

0:13:50own this or like well that's exactly

0:13:52what victim does because victim is a

0:13:55racket and a racket is a reactionary

0:13:59defensive

0:14:01protective mechanism to protect you. And

0:14:05so, for example, if I have a victim

0:14:07story of, well, I'm just shy,

0:14:11basically, I've decided that I am shy

0:14:14and that's my way to protect myself from

0:14:17taking a risk, from being rejected, from

0:14:20going out of my comfort zone. And the

0:14:23reward, the false reward of being shy is

0:14:25it keeps me safe.

0:14:27However, the price tag is I miss out on

0:14:30tons of opportunities.

0:14:32So the victim racket or conversation is

0:14:37100% a defense mechanism

0:14:39>> because it takes me off the hook from

0:14:42the responsibility

0:14:44of taking action or creating what it is

0:14:46that I need to create. So the whole

0:14:48premise behind all of this to understand

0:14:50the underpinning is when you came in the

0:14:53into this world, you came in with every

0:14:55single tool necessary to create an epic

0:14:59life.

0:15:01You believe depending on what you

0:15:02believe in, God, energy, spirit,

0:15:06whatever created you did not make a

0:15:08mistake with you. You came in with every

0:15:11single necessary superpower to cause and

0:15:14create the life that you want. And what

0:15:17happens over time is we become

0:15:19victimized by the generational trauma

0:15:22and victimized by the circumstances that

0:15:24I shared earlier. And then you build

0:15:26this wall

0:15:28of defense.

0:15:31And some of us have a wall of defense

0:15:33that's disguised as arrogance,

0:15:36superiority, I'm smarter than everybody

0:15:38else, I'm stronger, I'm fitter. And then

0:15:41we base our self-worth by our net worth.

0:15:46And net worth could be your body and how

0:15:49it looks, your your looks, your car, the

0:15:53house, the money, your followers, your

0:15:56fame, whatever it is that external

0:15:59validation that becomes your new

0:16:02self-worth.

0:16:04The problem is that when you have your

0:16:07self-worth determined by an external

0:16:10thing,

0:16:12you are at the mercy of circumstances

0:16:16because what was real yesterday today is

0:16:19no longer real. Those things do not last

0:16:21forever. There are days you're going to

0:16:23make money, you're not going to make

0:16:24money, you're going to be sick, not

0:16:26sick. In other words, if my value comes

0:16:29from something external,

0:16:31then I'll never have power.

0:16:34And the thing that you learn when you

0:16:36take responsibility is that the real net

0:16:39worth is your selfworth.

0:16:41>> Mhm.

0:16:42>> So your self-worth is what determines

0:16:44net worth. But the way we have it

0:16:47structured in the world is our net worth

0:16:51determines our selfworth. Mhm.

0:16:53>> And that's how you came into the

0:16:55training with the goal of building your

0:16:58net worth. You thought, well, if this

0:17:00can help me become richer, more

0:17:03powerful,

0:17:05you know, more of a a badass in the

0:17:07world, I'm in. But what you didn't

0:17:10realize is that you didn't really work

0:17:12on those things in the training. You

0:17:14worked on developing your self-worth,

0:17:18which by the way is the most priceless

0:17:20part of any of us because if you have

0:17:24self-worth, and I think Gandhi said

0:17:25this, if you have self-worth

0:17:29and you don't have a lot of net worth,

0:17:31it won't matter because the self-worth

0:17:34is the win already. But if you have net

0:17:37worth and no selfworth, that net worth

0:17:41is empty, fractured,

0:17:44and detrimental.

0:17:47And like I've heard said by many,

0:17:51success without fulfillment is the

0:17:53ultimate failure. And fulfillment is the

0:17:56self-worth. Success is the net worth.

0:17:59>> This is great. It's like you remember me

0:18:01walking in and standing up there and

0:18:03saying what my vision.

0:18:04>> I remember what you said. Right.

0:18:06[laughter]

0:18:06So then how

0:18:09do we balance

0:18:11wanting to be successful,

0:18:14make money, impact millions of people,

0:18:17increase our net worth with our

0:18:20self-worth or not falling into the trap

0:18:22of just doing it?

0:18:24>> Great, great question. as much energy as

0:18:29you are putting into building your

0:18:31empires. I've said this at the biggest

0:18:33masterminds in the world. I said it at

0:18:36Can's Film Festival when I was invited

0:18:37to speak to the whole A-list community.

0:18:42As much as as much energy as you pour

0:18:46into

0:18:47planning your business, structuring your

0:18:51strategy,

0:18:52generating your resources, and all the

0:18:55things that come into or that are

0:18:58necessary to build an empire. You want

0:19:01to put as much or more energy into

0:19:03developing your selfworth,

0:19:07doing work on yourself. Personal

0:19:11development work is the most important

0:19:14investment any entrepreneur or future

0:19:19entrepreneur

0:19:21can ever invest in themselves. Which is

0:19:23why we attract so many entrepreneurs

0:19:25into these workshops because they

0:19:27realize like you, I hit the ceiling. I

0:19:30went and I gave it, gave it, gave it,

0:19:32gave it, poured into it, poured money

0:19:34into it, time, resource, and there's

0:19:37something that's not happening here.

0:19:40And the answer is the driver.

0:19:45You know, you can't ever

0:19:49pour from an empty container.

0:19:54And a lot of us end up pouring, pouring,

0:19:56pouring, pouring, and then we're burnt

0:19:59out by 40. And then you're burnt out.

0:20:02And then you have to find ways to feel

0:20:04better. And you go on these journeys

0:20:06into different places around the world.

0:20:09And I'm gonna go do ayawasa, which is

0:20:11great. Mushrooms, I'm going to get high

0:20:13and drink. And alcoholism and drug

0:20:15addiction and workaholic and material

0:20:19and sex and all these different ways to

0:20:24feel better, but they're all temporary.

0:20:28And I'm not knocking Iawasa or any of

0:20:30the journeys. I know there's a lot of

0:20:32power and benefit to a lot of those

0:20:34things.

0:20:35But sometimes and I know people that

0:20:37have the racket that they go from

0:20:39journey to journey to journey to journey

0:20:40and get nothing done or from seminar to

0:20:43seminar to seminar get nothing done. It

0:20:44could also be seminars

0:20:47but

0:20:49doing the work on yourself,

0:20:52hire a coach, do workshops, participate

0:20:56in experiential processes

0:20:58literally will save your life. And I've

0:21:02found that I need accountability, right?

0:21:05>> 100%.

0:21:06>> I love it. I love accountability.

0:21:08>> And this whole journey and the process

0:21:11hold you accountable. And what I love

0:21:13about ALA, not to pitch ALA, but I will,

0:21:17um, is that ALA has both.

0:21:21There's a discovery workshop where you

0:21:24zero in on your own belief systems.

0:21:27There's a breakthrough workshop where

0:21:29you literally break out of your shell

0:21:31and you step into freedom and you step

0:21:34into your authentic self. And then

0:21:36there's a level three leadership program

0:21:40where you create a life plan and you're

0:21:43held accountable to not only the goal

0:21:46but the personal development that goes

0:21:48with it. And so you create a system

0:21:52that I know hundreds of massively

0:21:56successful people that have built it

0:21:59into their businesses.

0:22:00>> Mhm.

0:22:01>> You always want to look at what are

0:22:02those people doing that has them so

0:22:04successful. What's the secret weapon?

0:22:07And I always believe that personal

0:22:09development work is is the key. I did it

0:22:11myself 38 years ago. I was 22. I didn't

0:22:16know anything about this. This this was

0:22:18not part of pop culture. It wasn't

0:22:20known. Emotional intelligence wasn't

0:22:23talked about. Law of attraction,

0:22:25manifestation. Today, those are

0:22:27buzzwords. And a lot of times they're

0:22:29hollow. There's very few places that you

0:22:32actually really do the work. And that's

0:22:34the feedback I get when they come to my

0:22:36work. They're like, "Oh my god, we've

0:22:37done a hundred things, nothing like

0:22:38this." And I hear that over and over.

0:22:40But when I did this, it was truly like

0:22:44discovering a new planet. They're like,

0:22:47"You're going to go to this workshop and

0:22:48this is going to happen." Like, "What in

0:22:50the world are you talking about?" So, at

0:22:52first I thought my friend was crazy

0:22:54because she was she went from being

0:22:56bitter,

0:22:58which I loved her bitter. She was

0:23:00bitter. Bitter and angry and fun.

0:23:04>> Yeah. You could do that together.

0:23:05>> Yeah. Bitter, angry, fun, judgy.

0:23:07>> Yep. and she keyed right into my

0:23:09bitterness and my judgy and we were of

0:23:12course judging all the poor people, all

0:23:15the people less than us because we felt

0:23:17less than everybody else. That's kind of

0:23:19how it is. She goes to the training and

0:23:21she comes out loving and she comes out

0:23:24wanting to make a difference and she

0:23:26comes out going, "I'm not gossiping

0:23:27anymore." I'm like, "What?" You know,

0:23:29"Oh my god, it killed my relationship."

0:23:31She came out just in a different mindset

0:23:35and she's like, "I learned that the

0:23:36energy I put out comes back." I'm like,

0:23:38"What are you talking about? I learned

0:23:40that I have power over my emotions. I

0:23:43want to make a difference." So, she

0:23:45shifted her whole mindset and her life

0:23:47transformed. Mhm.

0:23:49>> Like in every aspect, her health, her

0:23:52body, her relationships, business,

0:23:55family, house, car, travel, like

0:23:58everything she talked about wanting, it

0:24:01was just coming to her one after the

0:24:02other. Like without even her really

0:24:05trying, she put effort, but it wasn't

0:24:07like this rough hanging, you know, kind

0:24:10of thing. It wasn't like a sacrifice.

0:24:12>> And I said, I want to do that.

0:24:13>> Yeah.

0:24:14>> And I did it. And 38 years later, here I

0:24:17am. And I can tell you that my whole

0:24:20goal in life because of the culture and

0:24:22the drama was to be a business owner.

0:24:27Graduate college, business owner equals

0:24:30success.

0:24:32But that playbook was not true. It's a

0:24:35false lie.

0:24:36And I realized that I could have money,

0:24:39I could have success, but if I don't

0:24:41feel good, if I'm not fulfilled, it's

0:24:43worth nothing. So that's took me on the

0:24:47journey that I had been on and it's been

0:24:49epic as well.

0:24:50>> Everything you're saying is true. Uh I

0:24:52feel like I was in another planet

0:24:53because I didn't know this stuff existed

0:24:54and I had taken

0:24:56>> I had spent I had spent I've talked

0:24:57about on this podcast quite a bit. I've

0:24:59spent like over $250,000 on coaching,

0:25:01mentorship, training and I learned a lot

0:25:03and I my life changed and then this came

0:25:06along and it was like

0:25:08>> I was it was a game changer.

0:25:09>> Yeah. Game changer. So, one of the other

0:25:11things that I discovered about myself

0:25:12that came up and I I don't think I'd

0:25:14heard this term before or when I heard

0:25:16it, I was like, "Yeah, definitely. It's

0:25:18a good thing that I'm a lone wolf."

0:25:20>> Yes.

0:25:21>> What is lone wolf and why is it why is

0:25:24it so detrimental? Well, a lone wolf is

0:25:26basically people that have quit on

0:25:30relationships and quit on collaboration

0:25:34and quit on asking for support because

0:25:37at some point in their past someone let

0:25:41them down drastically.

0:25:44Whether it's friends or family,

0:25:47at some point they did not feel safe in

0:25:49this world.

0:25:51It's the only reason why someone's a

0:25:53lone wolf is I don't feel safe around

0:25:55people

0:25:57and basically it's a massive walking

0:26:00distrust

0:26:03and when you show up in life guarded and

0:26:06distrusting going I can only rely on

0:26:08myself and some people build businesses

0:26:11that way some people become successful

0:26:12that way but we go back to fulfillment

0:26:15and we go back to at what lost.

0:26:21The minute you're able to break through

0:26:23that racket and break through the

0:26:25distrust and realize there are so many

0:26:28beautiful people out there and so many

0:26:31people that want to support you that

0:26:33want to champion you and that together

0:26:36we are unstoppable.

0:26:39And having a tribe of people offers so

0:26:41many different ideas and collaborations.

0:26:45And there's days I'm not quite

0:26:47energized, but you might be. And so the

0:26:49power of having a team allows you to not

0:26:52only accomplish your goal, but

0:26:54accomplish it a lot faster with more

0:26:56joy.

0:26:57And the lone wolf basically has built

0:27:01walls around

0:27:04and committed to being right that I'm

0:27:07alone and I can't count on anybody. And

0:27:10there's some people who lead teams from

0:27:12Lonewolf where they do it all themselves

0:27:14and they don't rely on their team. They

0:27:16don't trust their team and they

0:27:17overmanage their team and then the team

0:27:20feels disempowered. They feel small.

0:27:23They feel like, well, why don't you just

0:27:25do it yourself?

0:27:27The problem with lone wolf leadership is

0:27:30people don't grow

0:27:33and there's also like an ego attached to

0:27:35lone wolf like I'm the only one that

0:27:37could do it.

0:27:38>> Yeah.

0:27:38>> And there's a validation of see I saved

0:27:41the day again.

0:27:42>> Yeah.

0:27:42>> Whereas true leadership is not about

0:27:45you. As a matter of fact I always say

0:27:49that when I coach leaders the less you

0:27:51do the more you delegate the bigger the

0:27:55impact.

0:27:56I run many companies.

0:28:00I run companies in transformation. I run

0:28:03companies that I've created and I'm at

0:28:06none of them.

0:28:09Like I'm one of the owners of ALA. I'm

0:28:11never there. There's a team of people

0:28:14that if I was a lone wolf, I would be

0:28:16there 247. I wouldn't give it up. And I'

0:28:18I do all the groundings, all the

0:28:20coaching. I'd be in control of the whole

0:28:22thing because I know that I have the

0:28:24most experience.

0:28:26But then who grows like that? So I have

0:28:29people that I've trained and coached

0:28:32that are amazing. And not only amazing

0:28:36that they're better at things, certain

0:28:38things that I'm at than I am. You know,

0:28:41Brad and Jenna leadership, they rock it.

0:28:46But if I didn't give that up, that

0:28:48wouldn't be happening. How do you coach

0:28:51people on trusting their team? Maybe

0:28:55when they're not performing, the results

0:28:57aren't what they want, right? There's

0:28:59this, it feels like there's this balance

0:29:01or this dance or what, you know, when is

0:29:02it feedback? When is it?

0:29:04>> But before we get there, we got to heal

0:29:06the trust, right? Because it's not about

0:29:08the current moment. It's about the

0:29:11baggage I'm bringing. And so, I've been

0:29:13burned by people that said they were

0:29:15going to do something and they didn't do

0:29:16it. I have a belief right in my GPS

0:29:19system which is allowing me to navigate

0:29:22through life. So the guide I'm using our

0:29:24beliefs become our GPS. So if I believe

0:29:27my team's going to fall apart, that's

0:29:29what I believe and that's all I'm going

0:29:31to see. So if I have a dis a trust

0:29:34issue,

0:29:35if I want to lead a team, I got to first

0:29:38handle my trust issue and understand

0:29:41that I get to heal, forgive, let go of

0:29:45whatever thing happened to me so I don't

0:29:48bring it into my current relationships.

0:29:51But every manager owner that I've seen,

0:29:55coach, trained, I could tell you that

0:29:59over control their team and that have a

0:30:02hard time letting it go. It's because

0:30:04they're tightly wound and they have a

0:30:07massive trust issue. And their idea of

0:30:10trust is prove it and I'll trust you.

0:30:13And that's the wrong approach. It's I'm

0:30:15going to lead with trust until you give

0:30:18me a reason not to.

0:30:20And so that's the first step. Deal with

0:30:22your own trust issue. The second step is

0:30:27it takes patience to delegate and to

0:30:30empower a team. So one extreme is I do

0:30:34it myself. The other extreme is I just

0:30:36give them everything and see what

0:30:37happens. And that's what people tend to

0:30:39do versus okay

0:30:42I call it be delegate have

0:30:47not be do have it's be be the

0:30:51environment be the context of trust

0:30:54delegate that means that I take the time

0:30:57to train coach empower people to do it

0:31:01better than me and then have the result

0:31:05and be patient because sometimes it

0:31:07takes repeating it over and over because

0:31:10just because someone made a mistake you

0:31:13can't go see I knew it I can't trust

0:31:15this team because that's the other thing

0:31:17we do so it takes patience

0:31:21practice persistence and it also comes

0:31:24down to the culture you are creating in

0:31:28your business

0:31:30the culture is it a empowered culture is

0:31:34it a team culture is it a no one wins

0:31:38unless we all win culture or is it a

0:31:41competitive within each other culture?

0:31:44Or is it you're only as good as your

0:31:46latest results culture? I work with a

0:31:49lot of different cultures. For example,

0:31:51I work with television. I coach

0:31:53executives in the biggest networks in

0:31:56the world. And the thing that I've

0:31:59worked with one specific network is

0:32:01taking it and out of confidential ally I

0:32:04can't mention it but taking it from a

0:32:07fearddriven environment where you're on

0:32:10the chopping block in any given moment

0:32:13to a visiondriven environment where it's

0:32:17all about cultivating and curating an

0:32:21environment of collaboration

0:32:24and creativity

0:32:26and magic. and love and care.

0:32:30So those are different things that I

0:32:34believe need to happen in order for

0:32:36someone to be able to delegate in a

0:32:38powerful way. At the same time, inspect

0:32:42what you expect. It's not just delegate

0:32:45and run away. It's delegate and make

0:32:48sure you know kind of like put on the

0:32:50training wheels. When they agree with

0:32:51the training wheels, take one off, take

0:32:53the other off. This is great because I

0:32:54haven't shared actually I haven't shared

0:32:56with my audience. I haven't shared with

0:32:57you. I made a a big shift. I'm I'm

0:33:00actually running a new company. I got

0:33:02recruited by my mentor to come be the

0:33:04CEO of of a software company, an AI

0:33:06company.

0:33:07>> That's great.

0:33:08>> It's incredible. It's incredible.

0:33:09>> Congratulations.

0:33:10>> Thank you. And it was a result of doing

0:33:11all of this, of course.

0:33:13>> And it is a lot of people don't know

0:33:14that's what I used to do before real

0:33:17estate and and then everything that that

0:33:18I've been doing. And there was some fear

0:33:21there about going back into that

0:33:23environment of who I was. Lone wolf,

0:33:27victim, distrusting, planning for the

0:33:30worst, right? And even even last night,

0:33:33yesterday, some of the stuff was coming

0:33:34back up and it was bringing me right

0:33:35back to my

0:33:36>> So all this coaching is going right to

0:33:38you right now.

0:33:40>> Be delegate.

0:33:40>> Good. Yes.

0:33:41>> In my old corporate environment, Chris,

0:33:44I got feedback and I want to ask you

0:33:46about feedback, but I got feedback. I

0:33:48was delegating too much. This was the

0:33:51feedback I was getting in my old

0:33:52corporate environment was like, "Stop

0:33:53delegating, do more." It was this, you

0:33:56know, shoving me into this box. And it

0:33:58was actually a real cause of like almost

0:34:01like PTSD. I don't want to sound overly

0:34:04dramatic, but like it really pushed me

0:34:06away from ever wanting to enter an

0:34:08environment like that ever again. And so

0:34:10coming on and doing this role, that was

0:34:13a big fear of mine. But I'm learning

0:34:15over the last 3 weeks that I've been

0:34:17doing this

0:34:19like not doing what is my value. I'm

0:34:22like I'm not in this like accelerated

0:34:25gear of like getting done. And so

0:34:28my mind is like you're not doing enough.

0:34:30You're not doing enough. You're not

0:34:31doing enough. But really my

0:34:33responsibility is to create the culture

0:34:36like create the vision, delegate,

0:34:38empower the team. Well, that's the first

0:34:40thing that I did when I was hired by the

0:34:43CEO of this big communication company,

0:34:46Network Television,

0:34:48was to ask because it was he was

0:34:51recently hired. I was brought in as the

0:34:54coach. He interviewed like 20 people and

0:34:57then he got to me because his lawyer is

0:35:01my client and his lawyer is like a high

0:35:04Hollywood lawyer and I've been coaching

0:35:06his lawyer for six years and his partner

0:35:10and so I' and we've done a lot of work

0:35:12together and this lawyer is massive. So

0:35:14he recommended me because he said to him

0:35:18for your new role as a CEO you need to

0:35:19hire a coach. And so he interviewed a

0:35:22bunch of people from, you know, every

0:35:25every culture you could imagine. And he

0:35:28got to me. And when he interviewed me, I

0:35:31showed up at the studio and I'm in his

0:35:33office and he's like, "So

0:35:36what are you going to offer me?"

0:35:37[laughter]

0:35:38And I said, "Nothing.

0:35:42Why should you, you know, why should I

0:35:44allow myself or why should I be your

0:35:46coach is the question. What are you

0:35:49going to bring? and how could I support

0:35:51you in that because I'm here to support

0:35:54you and that alone he's like that's it I

0:35:59want you because everyone else had a

0:36:01different approach they were trying to

0:36:02sell themselves and the first thing that

0:36:05we did and the first question I asked

0:36:08was what's your vision for this company

0:36:12and he said I haven't considered it I

0:36:14don't know I go well that's the first

0:36:15thing we're going to do and so I would

0:36:18say to you or any entrepreneur,

0:36:22what's your vision? What's the

0:36:23environment that you're going to create?

0:36:25What's the energy, the culture? And the

0:36:28second question is, what's the legacy

0:36:30you're going to leave behind? You're not

0:36:31going to be there forever. So, what's

0:36:33the legacy?

0:36:35What's the legacy in terms of

0:36:37environment? What's the legacy in terms

0:36:39of work? What's the legacy in terms of

0:36:42results and outcomes? In TV, it's

0:36:44ratings and shows, but the same thing.

0:36:47>> I've been thinking a lot about this. And

0:36:49the thing that I run up against is okay,

0:36:50I have the words, I have the but like

0:36:52how do I actually go create the culture,

0:36:55implement the vision? There's almost a

0:36:57fear of like

0:36:59are they going to get it and like how do

0:37:01I reinforce it and then how do we get

0:37:04stuff done at the same time? Like

0:37:05>> well it's enrollment 101.

0:37:08People won't care about you as a

0:37:12business owner or CEO or leader until

0:37:15they know how much you care. And so it's

0:37:18bringing your heart. Is there room for

0:37:21heart and business? Absolutely. Is there

0:37:25room for kindness? Is there room for

0:37:27care? Absolutely. I believe the heart

0:37:31centered business leader will be the

0:37:33most successful business leader ever

0:37:36because that's what's wanted and needed.

0:37:38At the same time, the rigor and the

0:37:42discipline and the holding people

0:37:44accountable and setting up

0:37:46accountability situations like buddies

0:37:48among them and setting up personal

0:37:51strategic plans with goals and all of

0:37:54that, you know, having having both. So,

0:37:57it's not one-sided where you just

0:37:59delegate delegate delegate or the other

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0:39:24right, back to the show. The fear that

0:39:26comes up for me is around vulnerability.

0:39:30And when I think about this company,

0:39:32what we're doing, there's other

0:39:34companies that are building something

0:39:35similar. Like there's a lot of people

0:39:36that are trying to build this thing, but

0:39:38I really do believe that we have the

0:39:39right people to do it. And what it's

0:39:42going to do is actually create more

0:39:45freedom and connection for the people

0:39:47that you use it.

0:39:48>> So the product is about building more

0:39:50connection and freedom for people.

0:39:52>> Yes. But that's not the that's not

0:39:54usually the take. It's like it can do

0:39:57stuff. It can it's AI. It's like you

0:39:59know the tech centered

0:40:00>> right

0:40:01>> for me it's more like actually I think

0:40:03we can allow people to like be offline

0:40:06more and make more money and

0:40:08>> beautiful amazing yeah that's really

0:40:10what I believe and

0:40:11>> uh but the the fear comes up of like me

0:40:15>> going into the company and and leading

0:40:17from this direction and just sounding

0:40:18like a a woo woo hippie like whatever

0:40:21like and I'm just being honest about my

0:40:22own fears about this.

0:40:23>> The thing is in the business world

0:40:26requires both.

0:40:27>> Yeah. you know, the the person I'm

0:40:29coaching is, you know, a very driven,

0:40:33direct, controlling style person. And

0:40:37you don't throw out the baby with the

0:40:38bathwater. It's like when I ground a

0:40:40team, uh, when they coach with me and I

0:40:44ground them on what it takes to coach

0:40:46and I say lead with power, lead with

0:40:48power means you're the one who is

0:40:51leading the way. You're the coach,

0:40:54you're the trainer, you're the person

0:40:56that's directing the show, but back it

0:41:00up with love. Can we do both?

0:41:03Absolutely.

0:41:03>> Yeah. And knowing when to

0:41:06>> lead with power, lead with love, right?

0:41:09Yeah.

0:41:09>> But I would say also the more you

0:41:12develop the emotional intelligence of

0:41:14the people on your team,

0:41:16>> the easier it's going to be because

0:41:18that's what I've done with his executive

0:41:20team. We've done workshops. We've done,

0:41:22you know, I've done conference calls

0:41:23with all of them. I've been involved in

0:41:25a lot of decision- making, even with

0:41:27some of the producers of the shows, gone

0:41:29on set, and just seeing, it's so great

0:41:32seeing the vision translate everywhere.

0:41:35>> Yeah.

0:41:35>> And then seeing how the network is now

0:41:38positioned better than ever before.

0:41:40Like, it's just incredible to see the

0:41:42outcomes.

0:41:43>> Yeah.

0:41:43>> Because results don't lie either.

0:41:45>> Something that's really important that

0:41:47you've brought up a couple times is

0:41:49feedback.

0:41:51Can you share why feedback is so

0:41:54important and what feedback actually is?

0:41:57>> 100%. Feedback is one of the most

0:42:01necessary tools to grow.

0:42:05You cannot grow without feedback. And a

0:42:08lot of people are afraid of feedback or

0:42:10take feedback personal especially if

0:42:13you're ego driven. If you're ego driven,

0:42:17you like to be right.

0:42:19And there's nothing worse for someone

0:42:21who likes to be right to be told they're

0:42:23wrong.

0:42:24>> Yeah.

0:42:24>> The ego wants to be in control.

0:42:28There's nothing worse for someone with

0:42:29an ego to feel that they're not in

0:42:31control. And the third thing, the ego

0:42:34wants to look good.

0:42:37Feedback doesn't look good sometimes.

0:42:41And so there's no growth

0:42:44without being wrong,

0:42:46not being in control, and looking bad.

0:42:50That gets you out of your comfort zone,

0:42:52which is why we resist feedback. It's

0:42:54like the whole saying, never let them

0:42:56see you sweat,

0:42:58>> right? Or vulnerability is weakness. Men

0:43:00don't cry. You know, it's the whole

0:43:02culture of this alpha culture. So

0:43:04feedback, all it is is information.

0:43:07information that lets you know what's

0:43:09working.

0:43:11Information lets you know what's not

0:43:12working. My favorite feedback is what's

0:43:15not working.

0:43:16>> Yeah.

0:43:17>> Because what's not working could support

0:43:20me in seeing what's in the gap between

0:43:23the goal and the reality.

0:43:26So, if I'm committed to generating

0:43:28$20,000 this month and I in sales and I

0:43:32generated 2,000, this is great for all

0:43:35of you in business.

0:43:37That's feedback.

0:43:38>> Yeah.

0:43:38>> It's not good, not bad, not right, not

0:43:41wrong. Information.

0:43:43>> Yeah.

0:43:43>> Take it just at that face value.

0:43:46Information. Sold two. Goal was 10. I'm

0:43:50off by eight.

0:43:52So, what can we do with feedback? We

0:43:54could beat ourselves up. We could be

0:43:55angry. We could make it wrong. We could

0:43:57be mad at the person telling us to

0:43:58feedback. Or we could take

0:43:59responsibility. Once again, back to

0:44:02victim responsible. A victim makes

0:44:05feedback wrong. A victim calls it fake.

0:44:08A victim says it's not true. A victim

0:44:10will want to shift the lie, you know,

0:44:12shift the facts. We've seen examples of

0:44:14that everywhere. People that will not

0:44:17accept the facts. That's called denial.

0:44:20I've seen it in my family. I've seen it

0:44:22in my friends. I've seen it in business

0:44:24owners, my bosses.

0:44:26You see it in politics. You see it

0:44:29everywhere. People that don't take

0:44:32responsibility for the feedback. But if

0:44:35you're committed to your development and

0:44:37growth, you got to learn to love

0:44:39feedback because feedback is a guide.

0:44:42It's amazing. It's a guide that lets you

0:44:44know exactly what needs to happen to get

0:44:48to where you want to go. And so, one of

0:44:51the most incredible things that you

0:44:53could ever do is ask people for

0:44:54feedback.

0:44:56Family, friends, co-workers, business

0:44:59owners, what do you think a work review

0:45:01is?

0:45:02>> It's feedback. here's where you're

0:45:04falling short on your job. Here's what's

0:45:06working, etc., etc. And so, learning to

0:45:11and and I know that some people endure

0:45:13it only at that moment, have it be part

0:45:15of your life because that will allow you

0:45:17to grow.

0:45:18>> Yeah. I think treating feedback as

0:45:21information. And I love that you use

0:45:23that example because a lot of times we

0:45:25think feedback is like verbally we're

0:45:27giving each other feedback or you know

0:45:29it's a it's a one-on-one but the things

0:45:31that are happening in your life are

0:45:34feedback into how you're showing up.

0:45:36Blood pressure, weight, bank account

0:45:41messages, who's not calling you, they're

0:45:44not calling you. They're not responding

0:45:47to phone call. They don't return the

0:45:49email. All of it is feedback. They don't

0:45:51invite you to the party. They go away.

0:45:53They don't call you. They don't consider

0:45:55you for the promotion. They break up

0:45:57with you. They end the relationship.

0:45:59It's all feedback.

0:46:02>> And we could beat ourselves up. We could

0:46:04blame other people. Or we could take

0:46:05responsibility for the feedback. Many of

0:46:08us are trying to control battles that we

0:46:10have no control over.

0:46:12>> I think it's so empowering to think

0:46:14about it in that way.

0:46:15>> Yes.

0:46:15>> Cuz because you know, my engineer brain

0:46:17is like, "Oh, it's a problem to solve.

0:46:18Like, I got feedback. Now, how do we go

0:46:20solve this? Right. Correct.

0:46:22>> Yeah. Is it with heart? Is it, you know,

0:46:23what what what tools are we using now to

0:46:25go solve this problem or take the

0:46:26feedback? And you could also not take

0:46:29the feedback.

0:46:30>> I went to the dentist. I got an X-ray.

0:46:33The feedback was, "You have three

0:46:34cavities." I didn't agree with it. I'm

0:46:36like, "My teeth feel great."

0:46:38>> Yeah.

0:46:39>> She said, "Watch. Do you see this?

0:46:42That's a cavity. That's a cavity. That's

0:46:45a cavity." I'm like, "Got it." What did

0:46:48I do? I got my cavities cleared,

0:46:54filled,

0:46:55transformed.

0:46:57>> Yeah.

0:46:57>> And now I have no cavities.

0:46:58>> Yeah. Your teeth are transformed.

0:47:00>> Yeah. So, I'm It's just simple. You

0:47:01know, it's the same thing with your

0:47:03health, relationships. Your wife is

0:47:05angry all the time, that's feedback. You

0:47:08feel sad, that's feedback. One of the

0:47:11things that we're not in tune with is

0:47:15reading the room.

0:47:18Reading the room is reading the

0:47:20feedback. Reading your body, your body

0:47:23is giving you feedback. Your mind's

0:47:24giving you feedback. Your feelings are

0:47:26giving you feedback. Your relationships

0:47:28are giving you feedback. Your bank

0:47:30account is giving you feedback. Your

0:47:33work satisfaction is giving you

0:47:34feedback. Now, what do we do with that?

0:47:36We could ignore it or we can use it to

0:47:40build on it. And what do you say to the

0:47:41people because I think this is a big

0:47:43corporate thing for a while, but like

0:47:44what do you say to the people that give

0:47:45feedback where it's like nice, you know,

0:47:48negative feedback and then good feedback

0:47:50where it's like the feedback sandwich

0:47:52where they lead with a, oh, you're

0:47:54you're doing so well, you're doing so

0:47:55well, and then they give you the, you

0:47:57know, the negative piece of feedback and

0:47:58then they sandwich it with another

0:48:00positive piece of feedback.

0:48:02>> Well, I think that when you mix

0:48:04feedback, it's your fear of just being

0:48:06honest. And I I I don't like that. I

0:48:09like people to be direct with me because

0:48:11I can handle it. I'm a big boy and if

0:48:14there's something that I'm that's off, I

0:48:16want to know that. Now, also, if there's

0:48:20something working, I want to know that

0:48:21as well. You know, we don't do that

0:48:23enough. We don't give acknowledgement or

0:48:24appreciation or praise enough, and we

0:48:27wonder why people stop wanting to be

0:48:28around us because we don't appreciate

0:48:30them. And there's people who go out of

0:48:32their way to serve you, to be there for

0:48:35you. And your feedback is also valuable

0:48:38as well.

0:48:39But the time to give positive feedback

0:48:41is not why you're giving them negative

0:48:43feedback.

0:48:44>> Yeah.

0:48:44>> Because what happens is we'll try we'll

0:48:46hang on to the positive and then we

0:48:48won't look at what we need to work. And

0:48:49I don't like even call it positive or

0:48:51negative. It's really feedback about

0:48:53what's working, feedback about what's

0:48:56not working.

0:48:56>> Yeah.

0:48:57>> I use the word negative positive because

0:48:59it's what people could understand. But

0:49:01it's really about what works, what

0:49:03doesn't work.

0:49:04>> Yeah. And if I could keep it that way, I

0:49:06don't take it personal because it's not

0:49:08personal. It's information that lets me

0:49:11know how I can grow.

0:49:12>> I love it. And you mentioned the the ALA

0:49:15that program, the the the third level is

0:49:17like really the accountability. I've

0:49:18never never had that level of

0:49:20accountability. I'm so grateful for it

0:49:22because it just does not exist in your

0:49:23adulthood. The the the thing that I see

0:49:26is everyone just goes about their lives.

0:49:28Like they just go about their lives the

0:49:30way that they want it and we create

0:49:32bubbles of

0:49:32>> and they do their thing at their own

0:49:34time.

0:49:34>> Exactly.

0:49:35>> And when you have someone holding you to

0:49:36account that you said by next week this

0:49:39would be done. Is it done?

0:49:41>> Mhm.

0:49:42>> Oh god, no. Okay, let's talk about that.

0:49:44>> The other thing that came up was Yeah.

0:49:46So I, you know, I say I'm going to do

0:49:47these things and then I was feeling like

0:49:50I was doing them, but then I was still

0:49:51getting this feedback that I'm a victim

0:49:52or I'm out of integrity, right? And I

0:49:55was like, well, no, I did it. And

0:49:56they're like, "Well, actually, you were

0:49:57you were like an hour late." And I was

0:49:58like, "Okay, but it was just an hour."

0:50:01[laughter]

0:50:02>> You right. Like

0:50:03>> because you justify

0:50:04>> justified it,

0:50:05>> right?

0:50:05>> Yes. And so it really honed in on it

0:50:08really made me like, "Oh, I guess that

0:50:09is out of integrity." I

0:50:11>> Yeah. Yeah.

0:50:11>> But I wouldn't have been willing to even

0:50:13>> You wouldn't see that on your own.

0:50:14>> No, you would never see that.

0:50:15>> You know why it is? Cuz you we would we

0:50:17negotiate with ourselves.

0:50:19>> Yeah.

0:50:19>> Like we'll have a plan and we'll make a

0:50:22commitment and we'll go, "Well, I could

0:50:23do that later."

0:50:24>> Yeah. And then before you know it, you

0:50:26never did it.

0:50:27>> You know, and then you just keep

0:50:29negotiating with you. It's like

0:50:30borrowing money from yourself. You know,

0:50:32you take money from one one account to

0:50:34the other, but you drained one and there

0:50:36you are. You know, you're out of

0:50:37integrity because you didn't take care

0:50:39of what you needed to take care of. But

0:50:41it's good to be held account,

0:50:42>> especially if it's coming from love and

0:50:43it's what you said you%.

0:50:45>> Yeah.

0:50:46>> Okay. So, the other this one was

0:50:48surprising to me when I discovered it

0:50:49about myself that was holding me back.

0:50:51was people pleasing cuz I had gotten a

0:50:53lot of feedback that I was lonewolf, you

0:50:55know, arrogant. Like that was a lot of

0:50:57the feedback. So then to discover that I

0:50:58actually had a lot of people pleasing in

0:51:00me. I was saying yes to everything. I

0:51:02was doing whatever it took to please

0:51:04other people. I was afraid of like

0:51:07letting other people down was what it

0:51:09came down to.

0:51:10>> In your case, it's not so much about

0:51:17people pleasing.

0:51:19It's more about looking good.

0:51:21>> Yeah.

0:51:23[laughter]

0:51:27>> Okay.

0:51:27>> Sorry to call it right out. [laughter]

0:51:30>> It's like I don't want them to see me as

0:51:33not able to or he didn't deliver or he

0:51:37was not, you know, generous or kind or

0:51:40nice or whatever. Whatever image you

0:51:43were projecting to whoever, you wanted

0:51:45to upkeep that. And so you were willing

0:51:47to sell your soul and you know and also

0:51:52sacrifice your own needs to be there for

0:51:55someone else so that they would approve

0:51:57of you or

0:52:00appreciate you or make you feel good

0:52:02about yourself. So it was really about

0:52:05you like the people pleasing was not

0:52:07about them.

0:52:07>> No, it wasn't.

0:52:08>> It was all about you.

0:52:09>> It wasn't about me. [laughter]

0:52:13>> Okay, that's feedback.

0:52:14>> Yeah, there you go. Yeah. But why do we

0:52:17do that? Because of that. Because of

0:52:19either A we it's about us or B because

0:52:24we don't have enough worth in ourselves

0:52:26that our self-worth

0:52:29is dependent on what they think about

0:52:31us.

0:52:32>> Mhm.

0:52:32>> In your case, it wasn't that. It wasn't

0:52:34that your self-worth depended on it. It

0:52:36was more about you wanted to look good

0:52:39and be in control.

0:52:41And it wasn't so much about pleasing

0:52:43them, but for other people, it's really

0:52:45about

0:52:47I'm going to give up anything so that

0:52:51someone else is okay.

0:52:52>> Yeah.

0:52:53>> And the problem with that is they don't

0:52:54take care of themselves.

0:52:55>> Yeah. We see it a lot in relationships.

0:52:58>> 100%.

0:52:58>> Yeah.

0:52:59>> And one of the things that

0:53:02you can do so that that doesn't happen

0:53:05is set boundaries.

0:53:07And we don't set enough boundaries.

0:53:09>> Okay. Hey, but if you're a people

0:53:09pleaser,

0:53:10>> you can't set a boundary if you're a

0:53:12people pleaser. So that's why I'm saying

0:53:13that people pleasers of the world, you

0:53:16need to learn to set boundaries because

0:53:19if people really care about you, they're

0:53:21going to honor the boundary.

0:53:24And a boundary protects you.

0:53:27So for example, if you have one day off

0:53:29a week, your boundary could be on that

0:53:31day, I'm going to focus on my needs. I'm

0:53:33not gonna, you know, help someone move

0:53:36on my day off and blow off my doctor's

0:53:39appointment because that's how bad it

0:53:41gets.

0:53:41>> Yeah.

0:53:42>> Or, you know, take someone out and pay

0:53:45for something when I don't have enough

0:53:47money to pay for myself.

0:53:49So, boundaries are important because

0:53:51what you're doing is you're letting

0:53:52people know what's going to work for

0:53:54you, what doesn't work for you, and that

0:53:55way you're honoring yourself.

0:53:57>> What's the false reward for not setting

0:53:59boundaries or people pleasing? The false

0:54:02rewards is either being approved of or

0:54:05being liked. So being respected or being

0:54:08liked.

0:54:09>> Yeah.

0:54:09>> Or being loved

0:54:10>> even though you're falling apart behind

0:54:12the scenes.

0:54:12>> 100%.

0:54:13>> Yeah. It actually with my wife it came

0:54:16up a lot. It was like what I thought I

0:54:18needed to do in the relationship was

0:54:19just like give myself to to her and like

0:54:22do everything for her and support her is

0:54:24like

0:54:24>> was that enough?

0:54:26>> No. No.

0:54:26>> Because she had to make the decision

0:54:27herself to

0:54:28>> it's and that's the other thing is that

0:54:30it's never going to be enough. No.

0:54:31>> And then people pleasers attract people

0:54:34in their lives that know how to exploit

0:54:36that.

0:54:37>> Yeah.

0:54:38>> Yeah.

0:54:38>> And so they they have a sense of

0:54:41entitlement to your people pleasing.

0:54:45And so I just recently ended a

0:54:47relationship with someone I've known for

0:54:4930 years who

0:54:53her whole view

0:54:56was an expectation that the world owes

0:54:58her.

0:55:01And so when you didn't do what she

0:55:03expected, you're the enemy.

0:55:06And when you even try to support her,

0:55:09she'll find a way to make that wrong.

0:55:12because you didn't support me the way I

0:55:14wanted

0:55:16and then forget everything you did for

0:55:18them. Like minimizes like nothing

0:55:22happened. And so it was someone who

0:55:26wasn't so much in my life but would show

0:55:27up from time to time. And I noticed that

0:55:30the energy that I was feeling was not

0:55:34empowered.

0:55:36It was almost like this person is here

0:55:42with an expectation of me giving her

0:55:44something all the time.

0:55:46>> How do you have the breakup

0:55:47conversation? So I said clearly what I

0:55:50offer

0:55:52will never fulfill what you need

0:55:56and I love you and I wish you the best

0:55:59and I know

0:56:03that this separation will be beneficial

0:56:05to both of us and may you find what

0:56:08you're looking for like there's nothing

0:56:09I can do about that but I'm not going to

0:56:11allow myself to be sacrificing time,

0:56:15energy, money, effort,

0:56:19brain space

0:56:21on someone who's completely toxic all

0:56:24the time, expecting

0:56:27people to please her. So she has a crew

0:56:33of people pleasers

0:56:35and all they do is tell her how great

0:56:37she is, how powerful she is, how

0:56:39gorgeous she is and she just it's like

0:56:42you know someone absorbs that energy and

0:56:45expects that. So

0:56:49people pleasers also manifest people

0:56:51like that.

0:56:52>> Yeah. Yeah. Cuz they're attracting that

0:56:54energy

0:56:54>> until you decide, you know what, I want

0:56:56a different life. How do you have a

0:56:57conversation like that or even feedback

0:56:59conversations, difficult conversations

0:57:01and come from love but still be like

0:57:04grounded in your decision around it?

0:57:07>> You need to get to neutral. So if you're

0:57:10to in order to have any conversation

0:57:12with anyone that you care about or an

0:57:14employee or a partner or a superior or

0:57:17whoever it is that you're in

0:57:19conversation with, you've got to get to

0:57:21neutral.

0:57:22Because if you're angry or on edge or

0:57:25pissed or you're feeling any resentment

0:57:28or guilt, it's going to uh infiltrate

0:57:32the conversation. It's going to affect

0:57:34the conversation. So the first step is

0:57:37to do work with myself. So what I do is

0:57:39I ground myself. I ask myself, is there

0:57:41anything I need to let go of? I might

0:57:43journal about it. I'm pissed about this.

0:57:46And then I get to a point where, okay, I

0:57:48need to forgive this person. And I

0:57:50forgive. Or maybe I need to journal

0:57:52about how I feel about myself that I and

0:57:54I say and I forgive myself. Like those

0:57:56words matter. And then once I've done

0:57:59that, I ask myself, what's my vision for

0:58:01the conversation? My vision is to set a

0:58:03boundary. My vision is to end a

0:58:05relationship. My vision is to give

0:58:07feedback. And I stand on that place and

0:58:10then I have the conversation. So I'm

0:58:13neutral. I'm not mad. I'm not excited.

0:58:15Listen, you know, Cassidy, I just want

0:58:18you to know that I appreciate the time

0:58:20we've spent together. However, it's no

0:58:23longer going to work for us to be

0:58:24together. And I'm saying it because you

0:58:27deserve at least for me to show my face

0:58:30and to tell you face to face or on the

0:58:32phone or whatever that this is what's

0:58:34what I'm feeling and I'm going to honor

0:58:37myself and I wish you the best and you

0:58:41know but you don't want to go into you

0:58:43did it's make it about you like I feel

0:58:45that for me right now this is not the

0:58:47moment. If you go because you did this

0:58:50and this and this then they're going to

0:58:52do what? defend and argue and now you're

0:58:55caught up in another dynamic and then

0:58:57you feel guilty to the point where you

0:59:00might even keep them in your life.

0:59:01>> Yeah.

0:59:02>> One of the other Well, we can talk about

0:59:05waiting for permission.

0:59:07It's a it's something that I've it's

0:59:10like a a constant, you know, there's

0:59:12things that stay with you forever,

0:59:13right? Something that I've realized

0:59:14about myself is like a lot of times I'll

0:59:17I call it waiting for permission like

0:59:19waiting for someone to tell me what to

0:59:20do or that it's okay to do something but

0:59:23as I'm sitting here speaking of it it's

0:59:24almost like a a distrust of myself

0:59:26>> right

0:59:27>> and like

0:59:29what do you like how does that manifest

0:59:31itself or what do you see in terms of

0:59:33trust in

0:59:34>> waiting for permission to do what? Well,

0:59:37let's say, you know, I'm leading a

0:59:38company and in my gut, in my intuition,

0:59:41I know I think I know what the right

0:59:43answer is or what to do next, but it's

0:59:46like I stall or I freeze or I pause or I

0:59:50delay or I avoid. That's a great

0:59:52question and it reminds me of something

0:59:54I've coached a lot of performers

0:59:57uh on

1:00:00how to execute on a thought or something

1:00:03that they want to do or something that

1:00:06they don't feel prepared for or that

1:00:09they're wanting more preparation.

1:00:12And that is take action even though

1:00:14you're not ready.

1:00:17Because what happens is we become

1:00:19perfectionists and we want everything to

1:00:21be perfect and it's kind of like my

1:00:24speaking career. I was on stage before I

1:00:26was ready because in my mind I thought

1:00:29I'm never going to be ready. Like I was

1:00:31watching these people that were just

1:00:33these geniuses on stage and I thought oh

1:00:35my god I could never do that and I was

1:00:38scared to death and I was afraid. And

1:00:41one of my mentors said okay well that's

1:00:43the time to go on. and I went on and I

1:00:46fell flat on my face, but I did it. And

1:00:48I recovered and I wasn't ready, but I

1:00:52went for it. And I think that one of the

1:00:54issues that we have is we we postpone a

1:00:58lot of things, a lot of ideas, a lot of

1:01:01plans because we're ready to be ready.

1:01:04>> And I think the ready is is as you're

1:01:06doing it in many cases. You know, I'm

1:01:09not saying to bite more than you could

1:01:12chew or to overextend yourself or to,

1:01:17you know, I'm gonna fly a plane.

1:01:20it. I'm not going to read the

1:01:21instructions. I'm not talking about

1:01:22that. I'm talking about things in life

1:01:25that sometimes fear stops us or we're

1:01:27waiting for permission.

1:01:29You got to grant your own permission

1:01:32because I would rather go too much and

1:01:35apologize for going too much than to be

1:01:37told it wasn't enough.

1:01:39>> It comes back to me wanting to look

1:01:40good. The fear of putting my self-worth

1:01:44in getting things right.

1:01:45>> Here's what you got to know. You're

1:01:47worthy. Period.

1:01:48>> Yeah.

1:01:49>> You're worthy whether you do a good job,

1:01:50whether you mess it up, whether you

1:01:53sell, you don't sell. And that's for

1:01:55everybody listening. Your worth is not

1:01:58dependent on a result. And as long as

1:02:01your worth is dependent on a result,

1:02:04then your worth is on hold.

1:02:06And if your worth is on hold, then

1:02:09you're putting so much pressure on

1:02:11yourself to get a result that you end up

1:02:13ruining it. It's not organic. It's not

1:02:15natural. Like for example, this

1:02:17interview, I'm not prepared for the

1:02:18interview. I thought, you know what? I'm

1:02:20ready. Let's go.

1:02:21>> Yep.

1:02:22>> And I'm literally modeling what I'm

1:02:23talking about. Like I'm just like I

1:02:25don't know what we're gonna talk about,

1:02:26but I'm I'm all in.

1:02:28>> Yeah.

1:02:29>> Like my life depends on it.

1:02:30>> The And I'm glad you brought up the

1:02:32all-in because as I'm sitting here

1:02:34talking about this, it was one of the

1:02:35things I discovered about myself in the

1:02:37workshops was

1:02:39my lack of being allin or my avoidance

1:02:43of trusting myself and going and just

1:02:46doing or you know being

1:02:47>> Yeah. Yeah.

1:02:48>> created mediocrity

1:02:50>> 100%. and and that and we have

1:02:52mediocrity all all across the board

1:02:54because we're waiting to get ready.

1:02:56We're waiting for this is so great great

1:02:58question. We're waiting for permission

1:03:00to show up in our marriage. We're

1:03:02waiting for permission to show up as

1:03:04human beings. We're waiting for

1:03:06permission. Did I just ruin the sound?

1:03:08>> No.

1:03:09>> We're waiting for perm. I'm like I'm I'm

1:03:11contained here. I could lift.

1:03:13>> We were We were talking about this a

1:03:14little bit before.

1:03:15I'm waiting for, you know, waiting for

1:03:16permission for the relationship or to

1:03:19make a decision. But if I'm a leader and

1:03:23if I'm in ownership and I'm allin,

1:03:26then

1:03:27of course think about it. Ask yourself,

1:03:31does it line up with my vision?

1:03:34>> And then go for it with urgency.

1:03:36>> Yeah. Yeah. I get in my head a lot.

1:03:38>> Yeah.

1:03:38>> Yeah. Which I didn't realize, but

1:03:41>> but you do and so do a lot of people. So

1:03:43that's why this is so good.

1:03:45>> Tell me about breakdowns,

1:03:47melt meltdowns, crashing out, like

1:03:50there's a lot of terms for it now, but

1:03:51>> breakdown is when what you expect

1:03:53doesn't happen.

1:03:56So if I have an expectation that there's

1:03:58no traffic to get here and all of a

1:04:01sudden I'm up against massive traffic,

1:04:03that's a breakdown. Or if I expect that

1:04:05the place is 5 minutes from my hotel and

1:04:08it turns out it's 35 minutes from the

1:04:10hotel.

1:04:10>> 20. It was

1:04:11>> That's a That's a [laughter] breakdown,

1:04:14>> not five.

1:04:15>> Yeah.

1:04:16>> A breakdown is that I ordered something

1:04:19at Uber Eats and they said five minutes

1:04:22and they never showed up. A breakdown is

1:04:25when I promised to sell $10,000

1:04:28in products and I sold $500.

1:04:33A breakdown is when people treat me in a

1:04:35way I don't expect. I'm nice and kind or

1:04:38people are just dumping their trash on

1:04:41me.

1:04:41>> So what does a breakdown look and feel

1:04:43like in like in the body?

1:04:45>> So once again, breakdown is when

1:04:46expectations aren't met or life throws a

1:04:48curveball and that happens every day.

1:04:52So the automatic thing that I do when

1:04:54there's a breakdown is to brace myself

1:04:57because basically it's a energetic

1:05:01shock.

1:05:03and my

1:05:05automatic reactions kick in. That's the

1:05:08triggers,

1:05:10especially if I haven't healed them.

1:05:13So, some of us go to anger like from

1:05:16zero to 100 in one second. Do you know

1:05:20people that get really pissed?

1:05:21>> Well, it was me.

1:05:22>> Yeah. Some people go to frustration from

1:05:25zero to 101 second. Some people go to

1:05:28resignation. Some people freeze.

1:05:32Back to the react the nervous system

1:05:33reactions. Some people fight

1:05:37and some people run. Fight, flight or

1:05:39freeze. And what it does to your body is

1:05:42it alters your nervous system which

1:05:46creates this state of alert

1:05:50where you are in absolute danger.

1:05:54And it could be something simple, but

1:05:55your your nervous system feels like

1:05:57you're in danger. So what happens?

1:05:59Cortisol goes through your body. It

1:06:02affects your organs. It raises blood

1:06:04pressure. It sends cortisol that of

1:06:08course damages and inflammation etc.

1:06:12And if you live in a state of breakdown

1:06:14all the time, then you are in a

1:06:17chronotic state of a altered nervous

1:06:21system which of course gives a red

1:06:26carpet to all disease and mental illness

1:06:31and trauma etc etc.

1:06:35This is science not me speaking. And so

1:06:40that's what happens when we don't manage

1:06:42breakdowns.

1:06:44And most people do not know how to

1:06:46handle breakdowns.

1:06:48Controlling people don't like to manage

1:06:50it because it's out of their control.

1:06:55And anything that has them out of

1:06:56control freaks them out and pisses them

1:06:58off.

1:07:00Supporters don't like it because they

1:07:02want everyone to be happy and peaceful.

1:07:05And this is, you know, basically the rug

1:07:09has been pulled out from underneath.

1:07:11Supporters feel a lack of control there.

1:07:14Analyzers go into massive meltdown

1:07:16because they go into analysis paralysis

1:07:18because the computer doesn't compute. So

1:07:21the information that they put into their

1:07:23computer somehow it's not washing based

1:07:26on the result. In other words, that

1:07:29drawbridge wasn't supposed to go up

1:07:31right now.

1:07:32Anyway, so that's what happens in the

1:07:34body. Your brain of course races, your

1:07:38blood boils, and then the second issue

1:07:42other than the physical issue is

1:07:46you're not you don't have the neutrality

1:07:48to resolve it.

1:07:51So you react and guess what happens? You

1:07:54cause another breakdown and then a

1:07:57reaction, another and another and

1:07:58another. For example, I'm driving my

1:08:01car, la,

1:08:03singing to the radio and boom, this car

1:08:05hits me from the side. We crash, you

1:08:08know, my car is totaled, their car is

1:08:11totaled, and I get out of the car. Even

1:08:14though I'm alive, I'm pissed. What the?

1:08:16Now I got a second problem, which is my

1:08:19body is in an altered state. I could

1:08:21cause myself a stroke, a heart attack,

1:08:24an aneurysm,

1:08:26or at the very least damage to my immune

1:08:30system. And so a lot of what you

1:08:32described sounds massive and huge and

1:08:35like very easy to tell that it's

1:08:38happening, but something that I've

1:08:40experienced is that it can be like

1:08:43really small things or show up in ways

1:08:46that I wasn't even aware or I might be

1:08:48in breakdown all day and not even be

1:08:50aware of it. I'm in my head. I'm

1:08:52analyzing. I'm making the computer

1:08:53compute, right? And so like how how can

1:08:57I become more aware or how can people

1:08:59out there become more aware that they're

1:09:00even in breakdown?

1:09:02>> Well, there's also there's silent

1:09:04breakdowns, right? Like when someone

1:09:07says something you don't like, but once

1:09:10again it's something unexpected.

1:09:13Or you're doing a job and it's not

1:09:15coming out and now you're in breakdown.

1:09:18or you're trying to figure something out

1:09:20or gathering research and you're at a

1:09:22dead end or you're on hold for 45

1:09:26minutes on the phone talking to the new

1:09:29AI assistant

1:09:31that is now, you know, fielding the

1:09:34calls and giving you the amaze of places

1:09:38to press one and press three and then

1:09:40they hang up on you.

1:09:41>> Yeah.

1:09:41>> So, these things happen all day. There's

1:09:43big breakdowns, small but the

1:09:45breakdown's still a breakdown.

1:09:46>> Mhm. So, how do I know when I'm in

1:09:49breakdown? When you're your body will

1:09:52tell you. Because let's look at it this

1:09:54way. Our natural state, and this might

1:09:57be shocking for some of you. You might

1:09:59be going, "Oh my god, I'm in breakdown

1:10:00all day." Our natural way of being is

1:10:03joyful.

1:10:05[laughter]

1:10:07>> Our natural way of being is loving.

1:10:10Our natural way of being is peaceful.

1:10:13So, if you're not feeling peace, joy, or

1:10:16love, and you're feeling something

1:10:18negative, or something gnawing at you,

1:10:21or something that's kind of depressing

1:10:23you or making you feel sad, you're in

1:10:26breakdown.

1:10:27>> Yeah.

1:10:28>> And so, what do we do? Well, the first

1:10:31thing we do is to acknowledge it. When

1:10:34you acknowledge the breakdown, you gain

1:10:36power over it to go, you know what? I'm

1:10:38feeling sad.

1:10:41You don't need to have a reason. You

1:10:42could just simply acknowledge the fact

1:10:44that you're feeling sad or confused.

1:10:48That means you're having a breakdown in

1:10:49how you feel. You could also have a

1:10:52breakdown in your body. You might feel

1:10:53great, but you have, you know, certain

1:10:56issues that require you to go to the

1:10:57bathroom every two minutes. Or you feel

1:11:01sick. So you might be happy, but you

1:11:03feel sick. You have a cold. You have the

1:11:06flu. You might have COVID again. Oh my

1:11:08god, I thought that thing was gone.

1:11:10Right? Acknowledge how you feel. So

1:11:12acknowledge the breakdown

1:11:15whether it's a small thing or a big

1:11:16thing. I acknowledge that this month I

1:11:19did not hit my goal of losing 20 pounds.

1:11:23>> There's so much power in

1:11:25acknowledgement. It happened to me.

1:11:27>> It happened to me yesterday. I was in

1:11:28the midst and it was going I was like

1:11:29what is going I was like oh I'm in

1:11:31breakdown and I just like immediately

1:11:32felt better. Just acknowledging

1:11:34>> the minute you acknowledge it you have

1:11:36power over it.

1:11:37>> Yeah. Denial is the worst place we could

1:11:40be because when you're in denial,

1:11:42whatever you're denying is consuming

1:11:45energy. It's like having a tick. You

1:11:48know, if you deny that the tick is

1:11:50there, it's sucking blood out of you and

1:11:52you're like, "It's not there." Yeah.

1:11:53>> And it's draining you. Breakdown is like

1:11:56that, you know, that the the not it's

1:11:58like having something that is draining

1:11:59you. It's like having a glass of water

1:12:01with a little hole in it. It's just

1:12:03draining. You keep pouring water into

1:12:04it, it's just going to keep draining

1:12:06out. So acknowledging it [snorts] uh is

1:12:10the first step

1:12:12and the second step is to shift the

1:12:16perception of it

1:12:18because just acknowledging that I

1:12:20crashed my car is not enough. I now need

1:12:22to go okay what's the perception that I

1:12:25could choose now that's going to empower

1:12:27me?

1:12:27>> Yeah

1:12:28>> perception gives perspective. So by

1:12:32shifting perception

1:12:33slashperspersperspective

1:12:35I'm able to actually even feel better

1:12:38like you know what I'm I'm alive I'm

1:12:41healthy okay good no one was hurt good I

1:12:44have insurance good it could have been

1:12:46worse good this is going to lead to

1:12:48something good in other words I'm

1:12:49choosing a positive interpretation

1:12:53>> I don't care what happens in your life

1:12:56you can always choose a positive

1:12:57interpretation

1:12:59and if just thinking it is not enough

1:13:01there's Something that I teach people in

1:13:02the workshops. Put your fist in the air,

1:13:05pull down, and say the word yes. Crash

1:13:08my car. Yes. Got dumped. Yes. Right. It

1:13:13works. It works because what you're

1:13:15doing there is you're doing a physical

1:13:16act. You're telling your brain, I'm

1:13:19safe.

1:13:22And then you're creating another

1:13:23neuropathway in your brain of optimism,

1:13:28of persistence, of joy. So I acknowledge

1:13:33the breakdown. I shifted the perspective

1:13:35and I chose

1:13:38a physical movement to say yes to

1:13:40something.

1:13:41>> Happened to me two days ago. Phone died.

1:13:44I need my phone to get into my car. I

1:13:46have a Tesla so I need and I was walking

1:13:48back to my car after lunch and oh I

1:13:51can't get in my car and I turned around

1:13:54and I immediately said I am so glad that

1:13:56this happened here and now because I was

1:13:59just like a five-minute walk to my house

1:14:01sun was shining it was beautiful

1:14:02literally did the yes

1:14:03>> yes

1:14:04>> and it was incredible I chose my

1:14:05interpretation in the past

1:14:07>> you would have been livid

1:14:09>> livid and I would have been sulking I

1:14:11would have well I couldn't call anybody

1:14:12I would have been calling people I would

1:14:13have been rallying my troops of people

1:14:16to get upset with me and like then the

1:14:18ripple effect that that has.

1:14:19>> No, it goes straight to anger.

1:14:21what the You know,

1:14:22like

1:14:23>> and who am I upset with

1:14:24>> when with the air?

1:14:26>> Yeah.

1:14:26>> It's like not no one, you know, this is

1:14:28something that's not in your control. It

1:14:30happened.

1:14:31>> So, also, if I'm in sales and I don't

1:14:36hit my my my commitment and I beat

1:14:40myself up, I didn't sell it. the

1:14:42economy, what do this company want from

1:14:45me? Like there's a whole place that

1:14:49victims go to and breakdown. But if

1:14:51you're taking responsibility, then what

1:14:53you're doing is going, you know what,

1:14:55I'm accountable for this. So crash my

1:14:58car. Yes.

1:15:00Perspective. You know, this is a

1:15:03blessing. You know, I can shift this. I

1:15:06can shift the energy. And the next step

1:15:09is to forgive. If you need to forgive

1:15:11yourself for something, go. I forgive

1:15:13myself for being unconscious and not

1:15:16having my cell phone charged.

1:15:18>> Yeah.

1:15:18>> I forgive myself for not paying

1:15:20attention to the road. I forgive myself

1:15:22for not selling what I needed to sell,

1:15:25you know. So, forgiveness is very

1:15:26important, especially self forgiveness

1:15:30because if you don't forgive yourself,

1:15:31you have another breakdown.

1:15:34And from there, you got to process the

1:15:36emotions. Not in all cases, but in big

1:15:39dramatic moments, if you're going

1:15:41through a massive breakdown, processing

1:15:44emotions, very important, and there's

1:15:47ways to do that through talking to

1:15:49someone, crying, nothing like a great

1:15:52cry.

1:15:53>> Yeah,

1:15:54>> I cry weekly. I, you know, I'm going to

1:15:57cry. [laughter]

1:15:58I may have no reason to. I'm like, I

1:15:59just feel like crying right now. Yeah.

1:16:01>> And as I cry, I'm like, oh my god. I

1:16:03start thinking of things and it's just

1:16:04so good. Screaming is a great like a

1:16:07like screaming and getting something off

1:16:10your chest is a great way to clear

1:16:11breakdowns.

1:16:12>> Mhm.

1:16:13>> Journaling works.

1:16:14>> Y

1:16:15>> meditating works, exercising works.

1:16:19You've got to find outlets. This is

1:16:21important. Find outlets to clear

1:16:24emotions.

1:16:25>> Yeah. So what we're really talking

1:16:27about, I think that underlines and

1:16:29underpins every single thing of this

1:16:32conversation is ownership and

1:16:36responsibility.

1:16:37>> It comes down to choice.

1:16:39>> Choice.

1:16:40>> Yeah. I have a choice to be victim, to

1:16:44be responsible,

1:16:46to lead with my heart, lead with my

1:16:49brain. I have the power to make the

1:16:52choice to see a breakdown as a negative

1:16:54or to see it as a blessing. To forgive

1:16:57myself or to not, to judge or to not. It

1:17:00comes down to choice. All these tools

1:17:02are choices. And they're choices that

1:17:04are not popular.

1:17:06They're choices that are not automatic

1:17:09because the automatic choice and the

1:17:12autopilot

1:17:13is the negativity.

1:17:16I don't care who you are. 90% of what we

1:17:19think is negative. And that's the

1:17:23average person. Someone who's depressed,

1:17:2699 100%

1:17:29even break the scale to 200%.

1:17:32But that's not me saying it's science.

1:17:35You know, 90% what we think is negative.

1:17:38And learning to turn that number around

1:17:40and going, you know what? I'm going to

1:17:41be conscious to shift that and go to 90%

1:17:44positive

1:17:46and 10% negative because I'm not I'm

1:17:48human. I have negative moments. People

1:17:50go, "What about you? Do you have

1:17:51breakdowns?" I have breakdowns every

1:17:52day. I have negative thoughts every day,

1:17:55but I curate the positive ones and I'm

1:17:58very committed to maintaining my

1:18:02contract to myself, which is my personal

1:18:06vision of how I'm going to show up. The

1:18:08the choice to

1:18:11be different or act different in the

1:18:15world for me comes back to fear and

1:18:20being afraid to step out

1:18:23and be and do different than what

1:18:25society has told us is normal or in that

1:18:27situation might be unpopular. We might

1:18:29get ostracized from the group, get

1:18:32isolated and be left alone. When I

1:18:35really dig deep down into fear,

1:18:37ultimately it comes back to I'm going to

1:18:39be alone if I choose joy and love and

1:18:42trust

1:18:44when everyone else is on the opposite

1:18:46side,

1:18:47>> right? And so that really has you look

1:18:50at so you're alone then what what's

1:18:54wrong with that? So when you think about

1:18:56the bird who feels confident on a

1:19:00branch, the bird doesn't feel confident

1:19:02on a branch because it doesn't think the

1:19:04branch is going to break. Meaning I'm

1:19:07not asking to be confident being loving

1:19:09in the world because you believe no

1:19:11one's going to reject you.

1:19:13But the bird feels confident on the

1:19:15branch because if the branch breaks, the

1:19:17bird can fly away. So in your case, if

1:19:21you're loving and vulnerable and people

1:19:23don't want that, you could fly away.

1:19:25You're good.

1:19:27Your self-worth and your mattering is

1:19:29not contingent on someone's opinion.

1:19:32And so remembering that because

1:19:34sometimes we forget and I forget allows

1:19:36you to engage in your vision with

1:19:38freedom and passion because your

1:19:42worthiness and that's for everyone

1:19:44listening

1:19:46is not ever in question. Don't ever

1:19:50equate your worth by what you do or what

1:19:54you have. Your worth is who you be. And

1:19:58every single human being on the planet

1:20:02is a beautiful gift, masterpiece,

1:20:07a miracle. The fact that you're born,

1:20:10check out the studies are mind-blowing

1:20:12about how we come into being. You're

1:20:15already a miracle. And so knowing that

1:20:18your worth is already there.

1:20:23Don't build your life to please other

1:20:27people so that you could be worthy.

1:20:30As a matter of fact, lead the way with

1:20:33worthiness.

1:20:34Lead the way with worthiness and remind

1:20:37others that they're worthy.

1:20:40But you're not worthy because of what

1:20:41you create. And I'm not forever

1:20:46saying

1:20:48blow off the big goals and the big econ.

1:20:51I love big results. I love big

1:20:53accomplishments. I love making massive

1:20:56amounts of money. I am someone who I am

1:21:00at the peak in performance financially.

1:21:03I don't have to work. Uh

1:21:07I have the homes I want. I live where I

1:21:09live. I want to live. I work where I

1:21:11want to work. Everything I do in my life

1:21:14is because I curate it and I choose it.

1:21:16I field offers every day. I field

1:21:18opportunities every day. In other words,

1:21:21I'm all about big results, but I'm clear

1:21:24that all the big results can only happen

1:21:28as an outcome of big investment in me,

1:21:32big work on my shadow, dealing with my

1:21:36fears, my insecurities,

1:21:38my history,

1:21:40letting go, forgiving,

1:21:43reclaiming my superpowers. And I'm

1:21:45always on a on a constant vision or path

1:21:49of uncovering a new barrier

1:21:52and recovering a new superpower.

1:21:55And I'll do that till the day I die. And

1:21:57I have a chance to be born again. I want

1:21:59to be in the next life while I was never

1:22:00in this one. Because that's what life's

1:22:03about. It's about challenging yourself.

1:22:06Why? Because I can, not because I have

1:22:08to. I'm not proving anything.

1:22:10>> Chris, [laughter]

1:22:12I think we're going to have to end it

1:22:13there. Thank you so much for being here.

1:22:15Uh thank you for giving giving giving

1:22:18and supporting me and supporting

1:22:19everyone that have gone gone through and

1:22:21done this work. Uh where can people get

1:22:24in touch with you, get a hold of you,

1:22:25work with you? What's the best way?

1:22:27>> People get in touch with me through

1:22:28aleq.com.

1:22:31That's the website of the training

1:22:32company or through my Instagram, which

1:22:35I'm sure you'll have in the notes.

1:22:37>> Yep. Mhm.

1:22:38>> And um send me a DM if you want any kind

1:22:42of business coaching.

1:22:45And if I'm not the person for you, I

1:22:48could refer the best in the business

1:22:51because coaching is critical to any

1:22:55success.

1:22:56>> Yeah, I have multiple multiple coaches.

1:22:58I have

1:22:59>> Yeah.

1:22:59>> spiritual business specific like

1:23:03>> if I don't have coaches then I'm I'm

1:23:06lost. So,

1:23:06>> and you're in this environment and

1:23:08you're you don't stop. You know, you

1:23:10just staffed with me right now and

1:23:12you're staffing and you're always in the

1:23:14environment and that's why

1:23:16>> you're someone that I admire and I

1:23:19respect and when you asked me to do

1:23:21this, it was an absolute yes. I get

1:23:23asked to do podcasts every day. I'm

1:23:25mostly in one podcast.

1:23:27>> Yeah.

1:23:27>> The School of Greatness, right?

1:23:30>> The School of Greatness, Louis House.

1:23:32I'm the most featured guest there, proud

1:23:34to say. And I have over 20 episodes on

1:23:37the school of greatness. And the reason

1:23:38being is because I will always support

1:23:43people that are living this work. And

1:23:45you, my friend, are living it.

1:23:46>> Thank you, Chris. I I really appreciate

1:23:48it. It means a lot, and I believe it.

1:23:50Uh, so uh, and I I want to share this

1:23:53with the world because of how impactful

1:23:56it truly truly is and can like literally

1:23:58change the world and change people's

1:24:00lives. And

1:24:00>> 100%. I just saw it this past weekend.

1:24:03Just incredible. every week.

1:24:05>> All right. Thank you, Chris.

1:24:06>> Thank you.

1:24:07>> All right. As always, everybody, I

1:24:08appreciate you. I love you. Peace.

The systems behind these conversations — the deal underwriting, the tax strategy, the operators doing it live — are in Escape Velocity.

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